


Lingering You

by Saratonari



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saratonari/pseuds/Saratonari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I have six months to live" Ohno had crushed Nino's world with such a simple structured phrase!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lingering You

**Author's Note:**

> I felt super angsty when I wrote this so please forgive me lol  
> I myself cried and hated myself for writing it but ironically it is one of best well written stuff  
> so if you don't mind a character death (as obvious from the summary) you can proceed~
> 
> Also huge thanks to Kate (kaytydidd) my beta <33

Today was another day of those endless hospital appointments. Nino sighed every time a person passed by him, and it was a busy day. As he sat on the plastic, cold chairs attached to the plain, white walls where Nino rested his head, he closed his eyes. He was so tired that even the images that started running through his head were hazy. The voices were just as faint as his smiles. He felt himself getting pulled into that state again: he would now go back in time, when both he and his most prized friend were young and healthy. The midnight trips to the convenience store that Nino whined about now felt so precious. He wanted to slap his selfish self for every time he refused pond-fishing. How could he not have fulfilled such trivial requests that would have made his other half ridiculously happy? It was too late and a waste of time to regret that. The sound of the constant beeping coming out of the treatment room tapped on Nino’s every nerve. Why should this happen to him? He's young and he's mine, I'm not ready to give him away to the coldness of the grave.

Nino always thought he and Ohno would grow old together. He wasn't ready when doctors had forced tragedy on his life. He even cried everyday, begging Ohno to check up with other hospitals. How could Ohno get lung cancer? He barely smoked and he ate healthy; more importantly he was still in his early thirties. Ohno would gently hug Nino and allows him to cry. He would break into a million pieces hearing Nino gasping between his sobs, but he acted strong. He was ready to be remembered as a person who smiled until the end, the moment the doctors told him he had approximately six months to live. He would then tell Nino how he wanted to spend this remaining time enjoying it as much as he could with him. Ohno would emphasize on how he wanted to leave without worrying about Nino. He wanted them both to come to accept this. He wanted to leave with a smile and for Nino to live his life normally. That was his ultimate wish in his remaining time.

At the sound of the door clicking open, Nino opened his eyes hesitantly, as usual, not wanting to meet Ohno's weary eyes. Although Ohno was flashing a smile and putting up a victory sign, Nino saw behind it. Ohno was in piercing pain. He couldn't possibly hide the small thin face, the bruises on his arms and the withered body behind those smiles that Nino knew Ohno worked hard to put on. Having gotten used to it, though not completely, Nino rose off his seat forcing a smile back. Ohno had also known it wasn't natural. Both of them saw into each other, they knew each other so well that both failed to fool each other with the acts of smiling pretense. But they both preferred to pretend they didn't know nor feel what was storming inside of the other. 

"How was it?" Nino said taking the hard cold handles of the wheel chair from the nurse.

"Was it less painful this time?" Nino specified his question otherwise Ohno would have lied and said it was 'Okay.'

"Hmmm, I think it was," Ohno chuckled.

Nino felt Ohno cringe a little. "That's good to hear." He pushed the wheelchair a little slower, strolling towards Ohno's room.

Ohno was always quick to grasp Nino's atmosphere; not even the cutting pain he was feeling prevented him from doing so. Today, Ohno didn't want Nino to suffocate in that room again. He knew Nino wouldn't listen if he told him to go home. 

"Kazu." Ohno picked his gentlest tone.

"Hmm?" Nino stopped and faced Ohno, bending to meet Ohno's eyes. 

"Can we go to the hospital's backyard or the roof? Just anywhere with fresh air," Ohno requested 

"But you just had your treatment-"

"I'm fine." Ohno held Nino's warm hands. Nino faintly cringed at how thin Ohno's long fingers were. He was still not used to Ohno's weak touches. Moreover, he didn't want to acknowledge them.

Nino sighed, straightening his back. "Alright," he said, defeated, afraid it might be Ohno's last request. "But not for too long." Nino sounded like a worried mother. 

Ohno chuckled. "Alright."

"What are you giggling about?" Nino decided to liven up the situation. "I'm serious, stupid!" 

Ohno laughed and Nino was glad because this time Ohno was genuinely laughing; both of them needed that. 

"It's because you sounded cute!" 

Nino blushed savoring that moment and imprinting the compliment in his mind. He wanted to have as many nice things Ohno had said about him as possible. By doing that, he thought he'd never forget how he had once been loved and cared about like never before and never to come again. For Nino, such a small compliment felt like it could make up for the abundance of tears he had cried over the last five months.

 

On the rooftop, Ohno observed Nino's stretching figure with a smile. He felt his tears welling up, causing his eyes to glow. He quickly gave them a silent order to stop at once.  Ohno had always felt sorry for Nino, he had cried about it when he was alone on rare occasions. Nino, nonetheless, did witness crying Ohno when the fear got too real. Ohno would wake up crying and panting countless times, recently. He would have nightmares of his own funeral. He could feel the cold ground beneath him when he was in the casket. He would want to get out to comfort the man bawling streams of tears over him, but a bigger force would stop him from doing so. At that particular point, Ohno would wake up already having tears straying from his cheeks. Nino, of course, would instantly be alarmed. Hiding his own frustration, he would offer a calming hug, repeated pats, and hair caressing. 

Ohno, therefore, decided to refrain from shedding the faintest teardrop any other time of the day. If Nino was being strong for him, then he must be unbreakable for Nino.

"You're lucky it isn't windy today." Nino made his way over to sit on the bench next to Ohno. Ohno kept staring at the endless sky. The layers of blue, yellow and orange soothed his racing thoughts. Nino chuckled, deciding to let him savor those views. He knew exactly what Ohno was thinking as he was thinking them too. Both men watched the sunset speechlessly. They both knew how loud each other's thoughts were. They both knew they were better off not talking about them. Nino would steal glances often to make sure Ohno wasn't getting tired. Unable to tolerate both the beauty of the scene and the screaming thoughts of pain, both of them started shedding silent tears. Those tears were as hot as their vexation. Nino thought about why a person as gracious and precious as Ohno would have to leave this rotten world? Ohno, on the other hand, thought about why a person with such a heart of gold as Nino should have to suffer? The stream of their tears got faster. 

Ohno wiped his tears as soon as he hear an escaped gasp between Nino's vague sobs. He looked to his side curling his lips into a wide grin. "Kazu..."

Nino looked to his side, alarmed, quickly wiping the tears with his shirt. He smiled in response. Ohno stared deeply into Nino's amber eyes. He could hear the sound of his beloved ocean behind those eyes. They had always worked as a great source of comfort to him. Ohno's mind was still searching for the right words to say. He tried to be careful, not wanting to see Nino cry.

"Thank you." He decided to go with a simple phrase. Little did Ohno know that even this plain phrase could break into Nino's prison of tears. He watched as Nino's tears started escaping while his lips were curled up in a smile that showed the effort to hide them. 

"I love you," Nino's voice cracked. "Don't leave." His voice was choking harder. 

"I won't leave you, Kazu." Ohno paused steering his wheels a little closer to Nino. Holding out a hand to hug Nino's, Ohno sniffed, fighting back his tears. "I will always be there…" He pressed on the younger man's hand a little tighter. "Watching over you".

Nino wiped his tears, nodding, there were still some stubborn tears running. Ohno weakly reached out to Nino's face. He gently wiped the tears and pulled a larger smile, looking deep into Nino's eyes. "There is just one thing I would ask of you," he whispered, not moving his hands from Nino's face. 

 

A week later, Nino woke up with a heavy head. Broken glass and the smell of alcohol filled the atmosphere. He held his head for support because if he let it go, he would fall, lying flat on the ground again. It had been a long night. Besides his desperate shouts, constant begging and grieving sobs, it was a dead quiet night. Ohno's voice would echo repeatedly in his head. It made Nino more frustrated. Although he knew this would happen, he was still shocked when he saw the heartbeat lines shrinking smaller and smaller until they turned into an irritating, unwavering line. Other than those, it was a cold, mute night. Nino looked at the bed behind him and felt a limp in his heart cutting through it. He wearily crawled to it and grabbed the sheets. He held them close, wrapping himself up and taking a deep sniff. Ohno’s sweet scent was still there. Even after three months of them being untouched, Ohno’s bed sheets still treasured his scent. He cried softly, calling out to Ohno every now and then with a weak cracked voice. He stayed in that state until his phone’s alarm went off, flashing “Satoshi’s funeral” in, what he thought, was a cruel manner.

 

Still feeling his head as empty as his heart, Nino did his best to stand next to Ohno’s dad and greet visitors properly. Ohno had told his mom he wanted Nino to stand with the family, because he was family to him after all. Nino would smile faintly as he bowed to everyone coming in to pay their respects. He’d gladly escort those who didn’t know their way around. He would even draw on wide smiles. He would even stand by the stand where Ohno’s portrait was and smile at it. Nino kept nodding at the portrait as he passed by it. Some would swear they saw him motion that he was trying his best to Ohno’s portrait. Some thought that something had gone wrong with his brain and some would think he grieved so badly, his feelings went numb. Eventually, everyone agreed that Nino wasn’t shedding a single tear.

When it was time to say goodbye to Ohno, he fought the urge to lean down and kiss his cold forehead. Ohno’s face was small and pale, but it had a very gentle smile that made everyone’s heart skip a beat. Nino fought the urge to break down and cry. It was the last time he would ever see the face he treasured the most. Fast flashes of memory attacked Nino’s mind, but Nino decided to be stronger.

When attendants were drinking, Nino would contentedly serve them their drinks and share a happy or a funny story of Ohno’s life. At other times, he would tell how endearing of a person Ohno was. He talked about how Ohno didn't have last words, he was too feeble, and how he left with a weak squeeze from his hands to Nino's. He talked about it with a sense of pride. To be there in his last breath, Nino was glad; because he could never forget how Ohno fought hard to stretch his worn out face muscles to form a fragile smile at him and his mom. He remembered how Ohno’s mom then reached her hand to Nino's and squeezed it. He got the message, and both of them smiled with misty eyes and shattered hearts to Ohno's hazy sight. He choked on the memory, but still he continued to lock his tears inside.

 People were sometimes laughing, smiling, or crying tears of how precious Ohno’s life had been. It was definitely not like any other regular funeral, thanks to Nino. Ohno’s mom would just look at him from time to time and draw on a painful smile. She was the only one who knew Nino like her son did. She knew that behind all those weak smiles and chuckles Nino shared was a broken human screaming and bleeding internally. She knew Nino was trying to be strong in case Ohno was watching. She felt a soft hand pressing hers and looked up. There was Nino’s mom smiling weakly at her. “He’ll be alright, right?” She wanted confirmation by any means.

Ohno’s mom looked at her with glossy eyes “I…” she paused, “I hope so.” She offered a tissue when she saw that Nino’s mom had started crying. Nino pretended he didn’t see her. He needed to be strong until the end. This is why he cried all night, right? To run out of tears for this day, as if that would ever happen.

 

But it was dark and cold again. When it was awfully quiet again, Nino pushed the door of Ohno’s apartment and stared at the big painting of himself that greeted him. He felt a lump building up in his throat so he finally freed the long captivated tears. He dropped his jacket as well as his body on the ground and allowed himself to crouch in pain and let out the grieving screams he had been holding in all night. “It was so hard Oh-chan,” he cried.

“It was so hard. But I did it.” He smiled through the stream of tears.

_“Kazu…” Ohno leaned a little closer._ _"There is just one thing I would ask you for," he whispered, not letting his hands off Nino's face._

 _Nino nodded with a smile, prepared to do whatever_ _his soul mate would ask of him._

_Ohno sighed tiredly and sat back. He looked up at the orange-red sky with a tear hanging at the side of his eyeball. “When I die,” Ohno heard Nino taking a deep breath, “I want you to smile at my funeral.”_

_“But Oh-chan-”_

_“Please Nino.” Ohno narrowed his eyes at him. “I don’t want you to shed a single teardrop.”_

_Nino was about to argue, but he had already promised himself to do whatever Ohno wanted._

_“I want you to only have good memories, tell those good memories, let them know how special our relationship was.” Ohno paused to catch a breath. “Because even if I die, this won’t die.” He pointed at both of them and smiled._

_Nino nodded among his running tears and smiled. “You got it, captain,” he laughed._

 

Nino loosened his necktie and dropped himself on the bed, trying to indulge in Ohno’s scent again. Just like the night before, the exhausted man’s cries echoed in the place as he hugged the pillow tight. Nino cried even more when he felt a gentle breeze wrap his body, warming him up.

“I love you too, Kazunari.” He could swear he had heard Ohno’s voice ringing in his ear.

 


End file.
